Hoy Dios nos había diseñado un lindo día!
Un día soleado en la mañana, perfecto para salir a caminar, sentarnos en un parque, compartir un helado y disfrutar de la tranquilidad.

No pudimos estar juntos desde temprano... pero yo solo contaba los minutos para que tu regresaras y poder ir a estar contigo el resto de la tarde, esperando que fuera soleada.

Te llamé algunas veces, pero no pude hablar contigo! Tuve paciencia.
Cuando llegué a mi casa de nuevo tu estabas ahi, triste, porque lo que querías hacer te había salido mal... yo me entristecí mucho al saberlos pues aunque no puedas creerlo, tus sueños y tus ideales son también los mios. Sentí que algo por lo que hacia unas pocas horas estaba auforica y llena de energía se había desvanecido y simplemente me quedé muda... confiando sin embargo en que nuestro día no se arruinaría. Pero no tardaste mucho en decirlo "ah ya no quiero salir hoy"

Dos cosas se había destruido, un gran sueño tuyo y una "pequeña" gran ilusión mia. Quería contener mi tristeza, esperando que lo que había escuchado fuera sólo una idea mia... pero no era así. Lo habías dicho en serio... de nuevo tu sueño material le ganó a mis sencillas ilusiones. Y entonces, sabiendo que las lágrimas iban a aparecer pronto en mis ojos y sabiendo que se me cortaría la voz al intentar hablar, hice un último gran esfuerzo para hablar y decirte "me voy aun ratico hablamos luego". Esperaba, no lo negaré, que me detuvieras con tu voz pero no fue así. Al contrario, tu sólo secundaste la idea y allí murió mi día, mis ilusiones, mi energía... y murió nuestro sol.

No tardó mucho en llorar el cielo, llorar tan fuerte que se escuchaba fuerte en las ventanas, y entonces me asomé y entendí que alguien allá arriba sabía como me sentía. Sabía lo fuerte que me apretaba el pecho y lloró por mi.

Me acosté y solo podía pensar en nuestro día, en nuestro sol, en el helado que no iba a poder compartir ya contigo, pensé en nuestra cita... una cita que no fue, aún cuando lo deseara con toda mi alma!

Creí que como en otras ocasiones, el tiempo que te tomaste era para calmarte, para regresar y quiza ser cariñoso como me habria gustado que fueras si nos hubieramos visto, pero no entiendo... aún no entiendo, por qué me haces sentir mal cuando yo sólo procuro lo mejor? porque me haces sentir culpable cuando yo fui la que dejaron de lado?
No entiendo aún, que hago tan mal para no merecer ser tan importante como tu moto, o tu trabajo, o tu guerrero... xq no puedo ser nunca una prioridad?

REALITY IS REALITY

REALITY IS REALITY




So it is... reality has come today and punched me in the face in a thousand ways!

"You lazy..." some would like to shout
"Look... she CAN do it... you should be like her" other might like to say
"Stop being a crybaby" that same person says
"Oh... you never do anything right" says another one by the other side of the wall

And that's how it might be! I must be just like that since so many people point it!
They don't say suchhh things openly... but I hear it all the time, with their attitudes... their double edged words!

I really wish I didn't have to worry about this but I have! I don't live in a world where I can escape and go do what I like! I chose a road that doesn't suit me, but it's too late to go back!
I have to face this reality, as cruel as it comes! As sad and heavy as it is!

Sorry my dear for not being what u deserve!
You definitely should hang up with a better prospect... someone who can help u in life, cause... if I cannot even help myself, how could I be any help for you?

Aim HIGHER!

A COMEBACK FROM SHADOW.... *how could it be*

A COMEBACK FROM SHADOW TO...







Jejejeje, I'm so glad I'll be writting about happy stuff now, I was tired of writting about sad things. Here's how the great despair of a couple of days ago turned into a new breath for my life.

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Written a long time after

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I don't remember much of what I was going to write... but well I t must have been good by the first words!

To sad I cannot write it down now... it's all gone!

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THE RETURN OF DARKNESS

THE RETURN OF DARKNESS


I hate to say it, but I've never felt as sure as today, that things in life are not for ever.
Deep in my heart I tricked myself, I didn't know anything about life, and still I think I know nothing; cause today, that little something that confused you and had you down, came to me as the return of the darkness I just abandoned and to whom I don't want to go back.

Why do I have to go back to that state! I DON'T WANT TO! I don't want to be alone any more!

I just beg for my happiness now, cause I deserve it HELL I DO! I don't mind if it is you or not *now I care SHIT* I just wanna think about myself for a while.
And just in case it is my destiny to let you go, I'll DO, you' were just borrowed after all. I just don't want to lose you to HER! That's all

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Someday I shall come over those who pass over me today! Be it soon or late... I shall BE HAPPY!

ANOTHER DAY TO CRY

Hug your tears, hoping they would clean your soul...


It's been hard and painful, I don't know why, I know no reason, but there it is... the fear of loneliness is comming back.
Is something breaking the bind of our souls? We are together all the time, we share almost everything, so why is it that we feel each other so far? Where are all the special details... where is the romantic feeling? Is it gone? was it just an ilussion? Was it just a first step... a technique for the first round? I hate the idea... I wanna feel special again! I wanna feel as if it was always the beggining of it... I want you back!!!!

I don't know... I fear the uncertainty of not knowing what you think anymore, of not feeling what you feel... of not being able to share your pain... not even your happiness, I feel you've let me apart from your life. I'm frightened, because I LOVE YOU and I hate not being able to share your life! Something in my heart foresees a horrid end, a painfull goodbye, a hopeless end of story, but I won't let that happen! My heart might guide my feelings, but I'm me! I WANNA BE HAPPY, I will keep on working hard, building that happiness that you presented to me as a gift, I won't let this end so easily my love, I'll fight for both of us, fight hard, leaving anything that might be necessary, just until you decide the opposite~ just then I'll give up.


I LOVE YOU MY BABY! YOU R ALL 4 ME!
and the tears that run to my hands now babe, are all for you... because you are my REASON OF BEING

The REAL first time

The REAL first-time


4 weeks after the blessed first kiss, I gave myself entirely to that boy that came out of my dreams. The first time which I had planned in my mind for so long, came without a notice, without a warning.

In that moment, when I felt for the first time what being ONE with the other was, my mind collapsed. Although I felt completely happy for being with the guy I loved, I felt like something was missing, I felt as if my dreams for that moment were all turning into dust...

Since that date, our meetings have been frequent, our love has been growing firmly, and the idea of giving out my body has overpassed the simple perception of sex. It has reached the deep expression of real love... I know it is so, because I always feel it in my heart and in my soul.

Be it due to the lack of time, the danger of the unexistant privacy or any other circumstance, those moments were condemned not to last long, they were meant to be simple samples of what clearly seemed to be a great and carefully prepared gift from GOD.

And so today, being as unaware of my world as I've been all my life, I was given that heavenly gift I dreamed so fiercely about, I got it wrapped in the most precious envelope, I received my UNIQUE and REAL first time.

Without the worries of time or space, freeing myself from the stress that drowning work layed over me, I let things flow at their pace. There was no hurry at all; finally the time to stare at the other with the tenderness and love that our eyes were always hiding, came; no spacial boundaries stopped us from drowning in the so desired caresses, soft and delicate... dedicated glances, warm and soft kisses, passionate but yet tender hugs.

Time stopped in that moment of glory as if the whole world was over... nothing else existed but the two of us, merged in each others warm and sincere arms, covered and protected by our own deep and strong love for each other, lost in the merged wonders of the beloved one, who was closest than ever... in body and soul.

The tears holded for a lifetime, runned out without hesitation, talking for myself, expressing the happiness that nor words, hugs or kisses together could express. And so, my REAL first time was sealed, in a night were the naked bodies were joined without shame, without any lust sense or regrets... it was just LOVE ♥


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Thanks to you God, thanks for this gift.
Thanks for taking care of me, thanks for taking care of Him
Thanks for leading me through blossomed gardens
Thanks for each day's sunshine
Thanks for this blessed chance of living happiness my Lord... thanks from the deepest end of my HEART

A CHRISTMAS WISH

Time to thank one again... 'cause the reasons for thanking GOD are endless


Another Christmas night has passed, and with it, the never missing gifts have come as well.
Even through adversity and right when hope seemed to be gone, the allmighty lord showed us a great time. I can't say it was perfect *there's always my daddy missing* but I found great comfort in my sis' smiling face everytime she got a little giftie, or in my mother's expression of happiness when we were awed by her little give aways.

This is the time when I think, cry, and wish I had much more. But not in the selfish way I could have thought before, and just to give myself all the things I want as capriche, but to take off the worries of my daddy's old and hardworking back. I wish I had more to give my mother all the things she deserves for getting over my bratty self. I wish I had more, to pamper my little, and precious sister to the greatest end...

I wish I had a lot more to help others, to help those families in my country that know no happiness. To grant those miserables in the shouting streets, a life close to mine, a happy life with no privations.

Now, as a Christmas Wish, I beg for strenght.
Strenght and determination to reach high peaks.
I beg for your blessing over my "impossible" projects, and I look forward to the chances.
In return, I promise to give out my talent without reserve.
I promise hardwork to the bounds of my capacities, and overall I promise to give all of myself to others. Show all of myself... love as you did, to no known limit.

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For my beloved Christmas Miracle

Thanks for being here *in my mind and heart* in this time of my life.
It's been just a few days since I know you, but I can tell already... I LOVE YOU
Thanks for reviving my true smile, the smile of true happiness.
Thanks for making me feel what being loved is.
Thanks for your time, your words, your jokes...
In short, my love... THANKS FOR EXISTING!